Prepare for the ultimate retro apocalypse! In 1999, our visionary web designer foresaw a dystopian future where Sega, Nintendo, and Sony would merge into a single monolithic console corporation. This page documents the catastrophic consolidation that consumed all gaming joy.
Witness the tragic evolution: The Neo-Genesis System combines every console's worst traits - terrible loading times, proprietary memory cards, and exclusive game libraries that vanish overnight. Players are forced to purchase the same 16-bit game 17 times!
The console's "Retro Mode" automatically replaces every modern game with pixelated sprites of 1980s commercials. Experience the joy of playing "Pac-Man Championship Edition DX+" on a CRT monitor with scanlines, complete with actual 2600 joystick lag!
Hidden Easter Egg: Scroll to the bottom and hover over the black rectangle (it's invisible on mobile). You'll see a secret message from the 1999 web designer who coded this page during a caffeine-fueled all-nighter.
Consolization Timeline:
1996 - Sega acquires Nintendo: "Sonic vs Mario: The Merger"
1998 - Sony buys both: "The PlayStation 5000: Where Innovation Goes to Die"
2000 - Microsoft enters through a wormhole from the future: "XBox: The Console of Your Nightmares"
2001 - The console becomes sentient and demands your firstborn gaming rights
"All your base are belong to us... forever."
TIME-TRAVELER'S NOTE: THIS PAGE WAS CREATED USING A MAGIC 56K MODEM. PLEASE BE KIND. MY COMIC SANS IS BROKEN.