TERMS OF SERVICE (WITH A SIDE OF SARCASM)

DISCLAIMER OF LIABILITY (OR AT LEAST WE TRY)

BY ACCESSING THIS WEBSITE, YOU AGREE THAT WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OF THE FOLLOWING:

• YOUR COMPUTER BECOMING SELF-AWARE
• YOUR BANGS GETTING TANGLED IN THE KEYBOARD CABLES
• YOUR SECRET STASH OF POKÉMON CARDS GOING MISSING

We reserve the right to change these terms at any moment, probably because we saw you blink at our website.

PRIVACY POLICY (NOT REALLY)

WE COLLECT YOUR DATA TO:

• TRACK YOUR EVERY MOVEMENT
• SELL IT TO STRANGE MEN IN VANS
• USE IT FOR DICE GAMES

YOUR PRIVACY IS AS SAFE AS A GLASS HOUSE IN A HURRICANE ZONE

LEGAL JARGON (WITH A TWIST)

YOU AGREE THAT:

1. WE CAN SUE YOU FOR THINKING ABOUT SUEING US (Article 42(b) Subsection III)
2. YOU WILL PAY US $1,000,000 FOR EACH SECOND YOU SPEND READING THESE TERMS (Section 17(a) Clause XX)
3. WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THESE TERMS TO INCLUDE "WE ARE TOTALLY NOT LYING" IN ALL CAPS (Amendment 9.3)

READ THESE TERMS OR FACE THE CONSEQUENCES! (We might send a clown.)