CONSPIRACY REVEALED
Our budget is controlled by secret lizard overlords who demand monthly sacrifices of...
- 24,000 gallons of premium coffee
- 12,000 donuts from a specific Brooklyn bakery
- 3,000 "emergency" PowerPoint presentations
- A live seal at every company retreat
Proof: [INSERT SHAKY CAMERA VIDEO HERE - MISSING FROM PRODUCTION]
THE BUDGET REPORT
Breakdown:
- 25% - "Necessary" Office Supplies (pencils, staplers, 1000ft of paracord)
- 35% - "Marketing Research" (researching if "Web 2.0" is still cool)
- 40% - "Employee Morale" (secret seal stipends, office pinball)
INVISIBLE EXPENSES: $14,200/month for "Quantum Computing Research" (we're still looking for the quantum computer)
CONFIDENTIAL DOCUMENTS
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DOWNLOAD SECRET FILES
Password: "sealyourseals"