OUR ABSURD CONCERNS FOR YOUR PRIVACY
Disclaimer: This policy is as secure as a screen door on a submarine. We collect data to fund our quest to build the world's largest collection of floppy disk art. All information is used exclusively for legal compliance with regulations written by sentient houseplants.
| Data We Collect | How We Use It |
|---|---|
| Your IP Address | To track your movements for our alien overlords. |
| Browsing History | Analysed by a committee of sentient hamsters. |
| Device Specifications | Used to generate retro-futuristic art in ASCII. |
| Mouse Movements | Translated into interpretive dance choreography. |
OUR HONESTLY OBVIOUS SECURITY MEASURES
All data is stored in a vault guarded by a robot unicorn. Access is restricted to employees who pass a rigorous "Don't Be Evil" test involving interpretive dance and floppy disks.
Hidden message: "You found the easter egg! Now go make a web page in 1999."